Understanding Engineers…..

Understanding Engineers – Take One
 
 Two engineering students were walking across campus when one said, Where did you
 
 get such a great bike?”
 
 The second engineer replied, “Well, I was walking along yesterday minding my own
 
 business when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike.
 
 She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, “Take what
 you want.”
 
 “The second engineer nodded approvingly, “Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn’t have fit.”
 
 
 
 Understanding Engineers – Take Two
 
 To the optimist, the glass is half full.To the pessimist, the glass is half
 empty.To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.
 
 
 
 Understanding Engineers – Take Three
 
 A pastor, a doctor and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularlyslow group of golfers.
 
 The engineer fumed, “What’s with these guys? We must have been waiting for 15 minutes!”
 
 The doctor chimed in, “I don’t know, but I’ve never seen such ineptitude!”

 The pastor said, “Hey, here comes the greens keeper. Let’s have a word with him.”
 
 “Hi George! Say, what’s with that group ahead of us? They’re rather slow, aren’t
 
 they?”The greens keeper replied, “Oh, yes, that’s a group of blindfirefighters.
 
 They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime.”The group was silent for a moment.
 
 
 The pastor said, “That’s so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight.

“The doctor said, “Good idea. And I’m going to contact my
 ophthalmologist buddy and see if there’s anything he can do for them.”
 
 The engineer said,”Why can’t these guys play at night?”
 
 
 
 Understanding Engineers – Take Four
 
 What is the difference between Mechanical Engineers and Civil
 Engineers?Mechanical Engineers build weapons and Civil Engineers build targets.
 
 
 
 Understanding Engineers – Take Five
 
 The graduate with a Science degree asks, “Why does it work?” The graduate with an Engineering degree asks, “How does it work?”
 
 The graduate with an Accounting degree asks, “How much will it cost?”

The  graduate with an Arts degree asks, “Do you want fries with that?”
 
 
 
 Understanding Engineers – Take Six
 
 Three engineering students were gathered together discussing the possible designers of the human body.
 
 One said, “It was a mechanical engineer.”Just look at all the joints.”
 
 Another said, “No, it was an electrical engineer.The nervous system has many thousands of electrical connections. ”
 
 The last one said, “Actually it must have been a civil engineer. Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?”
 
 
 
 Understanding Engineers – Take Seven
 
 Normal people believe that if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.
 
 Engineers believe that if it ain’t broke, it doesn’t have enough features yet.
 
 
 
 Understanding Engineers – Take Eight
 
 An architect, an artist and an engineer were discussing whether it was better to
 
 spend time with the wife or a mistress.
 
 
 The architect said he enjoyed time with his wife, building a solid foundation
 for an enduring relationship.
 
 
 The artist said he enjoyed time with his mistress, because the passion and
 mystery he found there.
 
 
 The engineer said, “I like both.”
 
 “Both? ” enquired the others. The engineer replied; “Yeah. If you have a wife and a mistress, they will each assume you are spending time with the other woman, and you can go to the lab and get some work done.
 
 
 
 
 “Understanding Engineers” – Take Nine
 
 
 
 An engineer was crossing a road one-day when a frog called out to him and said,
 
 
 
 “If you kiss me, I’ll turn into a beautiful princess.”
 
 
 
 He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket.
 
 
 The frog spoke up again andsaid,
 
 
 “If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week.”
 
 
 The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket.
 
 The frog then cried out, “If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I’ll stay with you and do ANYTHING you want.”
 
  
 Again the engineer took the frog out, smiled at itand put it back into his pocket.
  
 
 Finally, the frog asked, “What is the matter? I’ve told you I’m a beautiful princess, and that I’ll stay with you for a week and do anything you want.
 
 
 Why won’t you kiss me? The engineer said,
 
 
 “Look, I’m an engineer. I don’t have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog, now that’s cool.”